


Heaven don't have a name

by SophieRomanoff97



Series: Sophie's Endgame fics (AKA lots of fix its) [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clintasha - Freeform, Crying, Death, Endgame, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Reunions, Heavy Angst, LIKE EVER, Love, Men Crying, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Reunions, True Love, clint barton does not give up, good job he doesnt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-02-16 17:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18695986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: 'Lose. It didn't seem like an apt enough word.'Clint goes to find that which is lost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As promised here is my fix it fic! 
> 
>  
> 
> Romantic Clintasha and Laura is Clint's sister, the kids are Clint and Nat's and Laura was the surrogate because Nat can't have kids.
> 
> TW for a brief mention of suicidal thoughts.

Once the dust had settled, once the funeral's had finished, once Clint finally had a second to breathe, that was when everything came crashing down.

Natasha was gone. _Dead._ He'd watched, clinging to her hand for the last time, as she dropped to the rocks. He'd always thought her hair looked like flames burning on a horizon somewhere but now whenever he thought of that brilliant shade of red, all he saw was the blood.

Pulling himself up from that rock face had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He'd tried. He'd tried so fucking hard to be the one to go over but Natasha Romanoff had bested him, beaten him in combat once more. She was always one step ahead of him.

He should've known she would try. Should have cut out all the talk and ran for it the second the creepy red guy had said they must lose that which they loved. Because it was no question who either of the pair loved most. Each other. Had been for years, for more than half of Nat's life and almost the same for Clint. They would always be that person to each other. But he couldn't, he hadn't just ran for it. He'd needed just a moment more with Natasha, just a little more time.

Now, he sat on the steps of Tony...of Pepper's home, eyes cast on the horizon as the sun set across the lake where an hour before, he'd sent across her flowers.

He fiddled with the band around his finger, stomach churning, head throbbing, red raw eyes burning with yet more tears.

The pair of them had loved to watch the sun set or rise. Had gotten the opportunity to do it more countries than one could ever hope to ever see. Had kissed in windows, held hands in streets, gotten tangled up in bed, had held each other on beaches and at lakeside's and on snowy grounds, always watching the brilliant colours of the sun flutter across the sky.

The thought that he would never again get to wrap his arms around the love of his life, get to kiss her cheek, temple, get to fiddle with her hair, get to talk about the wonders of the universe in front of the sun again, was enough to send him spiraling.

But he couldn't. Not yet. Clint had kids that needed him, they'd spent enough time with Auntie Laura and it was time they went home. All of them.

Because Clint had one last thing to do; bring Natasha home.

He'd been forced to abandon her on that planet, had needed to get back, needed for this not to have all been in vain. And then Thanos had destroyed the time machine and the battle had begun and he'd nearly died and died and died.

It had been two weeks. Some of the longest weeks of his life because yes Natasha was gone, but he would never abandon her, he just had to wait to bring her home.

Two weeks for every person to adjust to being back or to having their loved ones back. To mourn those they'd lost and to return to their cities and countries and try to start their lives again. Two weeks to gather family and friends, to agree on a place and a time for the services. Two weeks for Bruce and Hank and Hope and Scott and Shuri to rebuild the time machine. The stones had to go back and no one was better suited for the job than Steve. But Clint's mission was just as important and finally it was nearly time.

Last checks would take an hour so Clint sat watching the sun set, thinking and reminiscing.

He mulled over the words that had been spoken to him and Nat.

_Lose the thing you love._

_Lose the thing..._

_Lose._

It didn't seem like an apt enough word. You lost a sock in the washing machine, you lost an earring or a pet or sometimes the will to live, but you didn't just...lose a person. Not like that.

The Red Skull hadn't told them that the thing they love the most must die or be killed. He'd said you must lose them.

Brows furrowed, fingers still fiddling with his wedding ring, the words kept going around and around in his brain.

_Lose._

Normally if you lost something, you would find it again. A week later you'd find that sock hidden inside a pant leg. The earring would be found stuck down the side of the sofa. Your dog would come trailing back home when he was hungry (Lucky always wandered off for days at a time). The will to live you'd lost was never truly lost when all you had to do was watch your kids playing in the garden or your wife reading a bedtime story, and it would all come rushing back.

Once you lost something, was it ever truly gone? Or just waiting to be found or to come home.

Something bubbled up in Clint's chest, needing to be seen, to be paid attention to but he couldn't. Hope was an awful thing. If he hoped his exhausted ramblings around the word lose would somehow mean Natasha was alive...he couldn't hope for that. She would be dead when he got to that rock and it would be like she was dying all over again.

No, he couldn't hope for it. But maybe somebody should have told his heart that.

...

Clint thought he might be sick as he stepped across the rock, snow drifting around him. Red Skull watched him, saying nothing. Clint had already lost. Steve would be bringing the stones back and there was no chance that they could travel back and save Natasha. No, the world would burn. But Clint could hold her and tell her he loved her and bring her home to their kids and their family.

They'd timed it for just after past Clint had tore himself away from the alien planet and the love of his life.

Clint now walked to the edge, the fleeting thought that he could jump and join her squashed by the images of Lila, Cooper, Nate and Laura.

Jaw tight, eyes burning, he set up the climbing rope, attached himself to the harness and began to walk down the rock. He went backwards, knowing if he saw her before he got to the bottom, he wouldn't be able to hold himself together.

One at the bottom, he un-clipped the harness and slowly turned around.

Natasha was gone.

"The fuck?" Clint forced his legs to move, head whipping around to try and find her. Was it possible it had been so high up he'd been mistaken about where exactly she'd fallen? He knew even as he thought it, that of course he wasn't wrong. He had stayed on that ledge for hours, broken eyes staring at her broken body. He knew where she'd fallen. And there, across the rock face; blood. Her blood.

Crouching, he pressed his fingertips to the blood. It was dry now but he knew who it belonged to.

Had someone goddamn moved her body? Or had she...was she...could she be alive?

There was that hope again. Pushing it deep down, he got to his feet, scanning the rock face.

_He knew she was dead as soon as she had let go of his hand. It was too far. Too much blood. Too unnatural a position. She hadn't moved for the hours his past self had sat there, looking, crying, trying to breathe through the agony._

But then where had she gone? He moved to the outer edges of the rock face, peering below in case...in case the wind had knocked her down?

That was when he saw it- the necklace. The arrow necklace that she never took off. The one he had given to her after the birth of Lila, before she'd been sent to DC, before the organisation that had saved them both fell.

Whenever missions separated them, she could look down at the necklace. A small reminder that Clint loved her and would be coming home or that she would make it through and get to go home.

After the pair had lost the kids and Laura, they had both handled things very differently. Clint had disappeared for a month, his mind a dark place to be, a hellhole of loss and grief. He'd done some bad things in that month until Natasha had caught up with him in Japan. As soon as she took his hand, he knew it was time to stop.

And then five years had passed. And the grief of losing their kids never faded, never dulled. But they channeled that pain into something. Into something meaningful and helpful.

Half the world was gone and everyone was scattered. Instead of going home, instead of going back to constant reminders, the pair took up residence at the Avengers compound. They worked, they fought, they took control and they helped people who needed them.

Hope, he'd realised during those five years, hurt. But he'd hoped they could bring everyone back and they had.

So maybe hoping for one person to be alive was more likely to come true than to somehow bringing half the world back.

Maybe.

...

Once he'd slid the necklace into his pocket, he climbed back up the rock, collected his belongings, and began to walk.

He'd been on missions like this before. Searching desperately for a lead, for a footprint, for anything. Never had he been left with a lead so big as the necklace in his pocket.

It hadn't just fallen off or snapped. After an incident where they'd had to dig around in a storm drain for it, Clint had gotten Tony to fiddle around with it. It was something to do with fingerprints, only came off with her fingerprints or Clint's and was impossible to take off without them.

Clint certainly hadn't taken the necklace from her neck so Natasha had to have done it.

She was alive. She had to be.

...

Days passed. He went back to the future, where five seconds had passed, and collected rations. Then he was gone again without a word.

Days turned into weeks, into months.

Clint never stopped searching. It was a big planet but Nat had had only a small head start on him, and he was persistent.

Whatever weather the planet threw at him, whatever terrain he had to cross, he would find her.

You didn't just lose a person. They were just waiting to be found.

...

Clint slept in whatever caves he could find. Every day he would search, eat, search again. Every night he would start a fire and sleep, ready to do the whole thing again.

Guilt about the kids often overwhelmed him, but he knew to them it would have been only a minute at most.

For him, if he'd been counting correctly, if time even moved the same on this planet, he'd been gone for three months.

No other leads apart from the necklace. No idea which direction she had gone, no idea if this was just him going insane and hallucinating the whole thing.

He started to question whether it was even real. Him, the planet, the idea that the love of his life was alive. Was any of it real?

He didn't know. But he carried on anyway.

...

More days trickled by.

Something in his chest had grown heavy, he was constantly struggling to breathe, the feelings moving around him so intense that he would have to lay down and sleep to block them out.

Others would have been put off. Decided it was their body telling them enough was enough. But Clint had gone through worse and wherever Natasha was, she was likely feeling the same.

Hope blossomed again. Maybe it was a sign. He was getting closer. He had to be getting closer.

...

More days.

More weeks.

More walking, more searching, more pain, more thoughts that he was going crazy.

Until finally, he came to the entrance of a cave, dropped his pack, ready to start that evening's fire when noise sounded from within.

He hadn't seen a single living thing on the planet since he'd left Red Skull. No animals, no aliens, nothing. No wonder the guy entertained himself learning about the parents of people.

He hadn't had to use his bow for months but now he pulled it out.

Voice rough with disuse, he called into the dark. "Natasha, is that you?"

A figure stepped out from the shadows. Clint thought his heart would burst.

"No. But I know where she is."

Clint immediately dropped the bow, legs weak. "Where? Where is she? Is she..."

"Alive? Yes. Like me, she was abandoned here by someone desperate for the stone." The woman glowered at him. "Are you the person who abandoned her?"

"I...I didn't...she chose to jump. We...we fought. I went over the rock but she...she caught me. She let go and...we needed the stone. We needed it to bring our people back. Thanos destroyed everything. He took everyone. My...our kids. Please, she did it so I could get them and everyone else back. Where is she?"

"Thanos?" The woman asked. "You did this to fix what he did?"

"Gamora, right? Daughter of Thanos? I know what he did to you. What he did to your sister. She fought with us. She helped us stop him the...second time. It's confusing. We can get into it later. Please, where is my wife?"

"Why don't you hug her and find out?" A voice sounded from behind him, coming from the entrance of the cave.

Clint immediately turned, the tears he'd held back all those months flooding down his face.

In a second, he was pulling her into his arms, both of them crashing to their knees.

Natasha was sobbing, Clint was sobbing.

He stroked through red strands, marveling at the light from the sun shining on her hair. Flames, not blood.

"You found me." Her rough voice whispered in his ear. "You came back."

"Of course I did. I always will." Clint shook his head, face buried against her shoulder.

"I've been waiting. Come on, the sun's setting." Natasha murmured, tugging Clint over and out the entrance to the cave.

He sat and Nat perched herself across his legs, face against his shoulder, hand on his chest, Clint's arms tight around her.

They watched the sun set low, the sky brilliant shades of colours they never got back on Earth.

Clint leaned his head against Natasha's, finally able to take a breath again.

She was alive. She was here. She was somehow okay.

She'd been lost, but he had found her.

Maybe hope wasn't such an awful thing after all.


	2. Reunion

As the sun continued it's descent, Natasha turned her head and buried it against the crook of his neck. 

"I dont know if that's a great idea, I am...very dirty." He murmured, though he was more than thrilled to feel her breath against his skin.

"Shut up, Barton." Nat murmured, burrowing even closer and yeah, holy fucking shit had he missed this.

He wrapped his arms right around her, nosing at her hair, the hair that smelled the same, looked the same, felt the same as the day he'd stood on that cliff. When they'd pressed their foreheads together and Clint had played with a lock of her hair, tangling it around his finger as if that would keep them both in place forever. 

But that did beg the question, how was her hair the same? In the time he'd been there, personal care hadn't exactly been top of the list. His hair had grown out and curled around his ears, he had more than some scruff going on and he'd basically been reduced to using water from one of many freezing ass lakes to clean himself. Also he'd been surviving on ration packs and dehydrated food that took at least an hour to chew, since there were no animals and no plants.

"Nat," Clint murmured against her hair, "how are you alive?"

The woman flinched ever so slightly, slowly pulling her head from his neck and gazing out at the view in front of them.

"I don't know. I woke up and you were gone. The creepy red guy was watching me but seemingly didn't feel like explaining anything, so I started walking. Staying there felt...dangerous. I'm not sure how long I walked for, days, weeks. I found Gamora or rather, she found me. She took me back to where she'd been staying. It still felt dangerous so we moved every couple of days." She shrugged, a haunted look on her face that made the man shudder.

Realizing now was not the time to press on the moments of her death, he asked instead, "what have you been eating?"

Natasha blinked, humming. "Nothing. I guess I haven't really thought much about it. We haven't slept either, don't need water. It...it's like whoever is trapped here is...in limbo. Just waiting." She shook her head. "I honestly don't know. That's just what Gamora thinks. I don't really care how I'm alive, I just know that I am."

"Yes you are." Clint murmured roughly, squeezing his eyes shut. God, how many times had he played her voice over and over in his head, terrified that he would forget that beautiful sound and now here she was, talking to him, really there.

The archer pulled in a shuddering breath and suddenly he was crying for the second time that hour, tears he hadn't shed since standing alone on that cliff all those months ago.

He was sobbing, entire body shaking with the force.

Natasha immediately pulled him to her and his hands slid around her waist, fingers tightening hard enough to bruise. The woman's grip was equally as tight, one hand around his torso, the other pressing his head to her neck. "I've got you." She whispered, closing her eyes, her own tears dropping into his hair. "I've got you and you've got me. We're alive, Clint. We made it."

They made it.

And now they could go home.

...

Clint felt like he was probably really fucking gross but he could not care less. Sure, he could shower and shave and whatever but his kids had been waiting too long to see their mom.

First, since he only had the two suits, he took Gamora back. 

As he flashed back to their time, Bruce stood there stunned, unable to speak as Clint helped Gamora out of the suit and over to the bench. 

"My family?" She asked, looking up at Clint.

"We'll contact them." He promised.

"They're all alive?" She whispered.

"They are." He smiled, squeezing her shoulder and leaving her in Bruce's capable hands as he moved back to pad. 

"You might want to call my family down here." This time Clint was grinning as he got sent back.

When Clint appeared next, Natasha was standing at his side, holding his hand.

Laura and the kids were just coming to the top of the hill when Lila spotted Natasha.

"Mommy!" She screamed, nearly falling over in her haste as she pulled away from Laura and ran full pelt towards the pair.

Cooper, Nate clinging to his hand, followed quickly.

In seconds, Lila was barelling into Natasha, knocking her straight to the ground as the girl sobbed.

Considering she'd just been thrown to the floor, Natasha only wrapped Lila up in a tight hug, face buried against her hair. "I'm here, baby girl, I'm here." She whispered and she was soon joined by two frantic boys, clambering on top of their mother too, burying their faces into crooks, hands clutching at her clothes, cries filling the air.

Clint swallowed, looking over at Laura, stood next to Bruce, in tears. "Get down there, idiot." She smiled.

Yet more tears streaming down his face, Clint dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms as best as he could around three growing kids and an adult woman.

Every single one of them was shaking, crying, barely able to believe what was happening. That Natasha was alive, that she was there.

But she was. 

She was alive and they were whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops hi there will now be a chapter 3 cause I can't control myself 🙃 I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this ending is okay? I'm quite happy with it but if it feels unfinished or like it needs more I'm open to writing another chapter. Just lemme know!

After the five of them cried themselves out, the family separated long enough to stand.

Nate was in Natasha's arms, his face nestled against her neck as she hummed softly to him. Lila and Cooper were almost wrapped around her legs with how close they were.

Everyone else had dispersed to give them privacy. Bruce with Gamora, helping her to contact their ship. Laura had gone inside the compound, waiting for her time to hug her sister. The kids needed to see her more.

Clint pressed a hand to Natasha's back as the redhead blinked sleepily, clearly struggling to not fall asleep then and there.

"Okay, kids," Clint murmured, voice hoarse with emotion, "mama needs to get to bed, she's very tired okay? Do you think you can help?"

Lila swallowed and slowly took a step away from Natasha, looking pained at separation but taking charge for the younger kids. "Coop, mama needs us to get her bed ready and I need you to help me choose the blankets. Natey, I need you to help lay out some of your stuffies, like she does to help you sleep." The girl reached for Nathaniel, who squirmed and whimpered, fingers digging into Natasha's clothing. 

"No." He shook his head, more tears in his eyes. " _No_."

"Okay," Clint breathed, running a hand over the boy's head. "Your sister and brother can go get the bed ready and then once mama is all tucked up, we can choose stuffies then." 

Lila took Cooper's hand, both kids looking back at Natasha as they headed up the hill, understandably terrified that every time they turned, she would be gone again.

When the kids disappeared from sight, Clint wrapped an arm around Natasha's waist, slowly heading towards the compound.

Natasha was flagging badly. It seemed that finally leaving limbo had kickstarted her bodily functions again and she was _tired_ as all hell. Also hungry, if the rumbling of her stomach was anything to go by.

By the time they finally made it inside, her bed was ready and waiting.

Lila had laid out her purple Hawkeye blanket over the bed and the covers were neatly pulled back ready.

Cooper had a packet of cookies clutched in one hand and his favourite storybook in the other.

There was also a mountain of stuffies piled up by the door and Clint realised, warmth in his chest, that the older two had bought them in so Nate didn't have to leave Natasha.

The redhead was wavering on her feet so Clint very carefully extracted octopus Nate from his mama, making sure she was in his view at all times.

Natasha tiredly unzipped the suit and climbed out of it before flopping down on the bed, an exhausted but happy sigh escaping her lips as she dropped her head to the pillow.

Clint let Nate get in beside her, watching him curl up against Natasha before he carefully pulled the covers up.

"Okay, Natey." Cooper grinned, all excitement and gap tooth smiles. "We're gonna bring you a stuffie an' then you say if you want them on the bed to protect mama."

Nate nodded that he understood, his thinking face on since he was taking his job very seriously.

Lila and Cooper then spent the next five minutes bringing stuffies over from the pile.

When they'd gone through the whole lot, Nate examined his toy army, protecting Natasha from the bottom of the bed.

They had Mr Bear, Spiderino the big fluffy spider, a fluffy golden doggy called Lucky, a rainbow unicorn called Sparkle, Goldie the Dragon and lastly BunBun the white rabbit.

Seemingly content with his choices, Nate let his head fall against the pillow too.

Natasha was already fast asleep, breathing evenly, seeming peaceful.

Clint sat down on the floor beside the bed, soon joined by two kids, half on his lap or holding a hand.

Lila dropped her head to the archer's shoulder, letting out a shaky breath. "Is mama staying?"

"She's staying." Clint said firmly, nodding. "She's staying."

Cooper sighed softly, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Good." He murmured, shuffling until his head was in Clint's lap.

"Good." Clint repeated, hand on Cooper's hair, cheek against Lila's head as they listened to the sounds of Natasha breathing and Nate snoring already.

They were together. Alive. Safe. Healthy.

Clint didn't know if he believed in God, but he did know that this was Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted them to all be alive and together 😭😭😭

**Author's Note:**

> Hey would you like an epilogue of the Clintasha family reunion????? And them taking Gamora back to Earth??? Me too! Stay tuned it's coming soon and will be posted as the 2nd chapter of this fic.
> 
> Also #NatDeservedBetter because damn they could have at least given her a funeral. Are you also mad about that? Yes? Well do I have the fic for you because I wrote her a funeral: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685390
> 
> Name of the fic taken by our very own Jeremy Renner's song that he sings in??? He's amazing. Here's the link: https://youtu.be/ro_dH2fszWE


End file.
